Troubled Teens

Praying for Love
Youth in Shelters Will Not

Be with Family This Holiday

23 December 2008

by Thomas L. Weitzel
Communications Editor

Dear God, I just wish my family can get along for Christmas. Just one day of peace without arguing and fighting. We should actually wake up to presents, especially ones we want. Everyone should just be happy and thankful for life if nothing else on Christmas.

Dear God, I pray to get a house with my Mom and my sister and to live happy.

As families in Florida gather for the holidays, these are the prayers of troubled teens living in shelters apart from families.

Dear God, Please help me through this. The problems I’m going through. Please help me go back to my real Mom. Please Lord, just help me do better. I want to be with my real mama. I do love my adopted family but I just want to be with my real Mom. Thank you Lord for hearing me. Love always.

Their prayers aren't always coached in flowery words, nor even with total understanding, but their need is clear.  And sincere.

Dear God, I want my mama to get out of jail before Christmas so we can spend time together and have so much fun together. And so she can see her sisters and go out to the club.

THE TEENS

Who are these teens?

"These are youth ages 10 to 17 who have a great deal of conflict in their home, who may not get the support they need at home, who for whatever reason have chosen a path that is not working for them,"  says Patricia Leonard, Director of the Southwest Region for Lutheran Services Florida (LSF). 

"Many of them have abusive homes.  They have not done well in school, chosen peers who aren’t the best, gang involvement.  A lot of them have emotional and mental health issues.  Some of them are in the foster care system because their father or mother is in jail.  They’ve been abused, neglected."

These are youth who have parents with "all kinds of problems, but they see the child as the problem," says Leonard.  "Parents can’t cope, and they just leave their kids at the shelter.  Some of them have no parents, their parents have died, and for whatever reasons families that were taking care of them just can’t cope anymore, just can’t parent a teenager.  They throw them away really."

As a result, these are youth who are generally ungovernable, truant, delinquent.  Substance abuse may be a factor.  Many have run away. 

"These are children that nobody else wants to deal with.  They aren’t always the most respectful kids, but they are troubled.  They’ve been damaged, they’ve lost trust," says Leonard.

And these are their prayers.

Dear God, I wish that all my troubles will go away.  And that I could start all over again.  So I know that that can’t happen.  But mainly I don’t know because what I want for Christmas is that I have a nice year, with no trouble and with no worries.  So that’s all that I ask for and that my family could be together for ever or at least get along.

THE SHELTERS

These are prayers by youth staying at the Oasis Youth Shelter in Ft. Myers, one of five youth shelters operated by Lutheran Services Florida as part of a network of 28 such shelters in the state of Florida.  But they could be the prayers of any teen staying at any of the shelters.

The shelters are all sponsored by the Florida Network of Youth and Family Services and financed by the Florida Department of Juvenile Justice (DJJ) in a program that is designed for early intervention when families are already in turmoil, rather than waiting until youth wind up in the juvenile justice system.

Lord, I want to ask you to bless me in this place. I ask you to help me get something out of Oasis. Help me understand what I did bad and that I need to change because I’m not only hurting my self I’m hurting my family. I want you to help my little sister understand that I’m here to change and think about what I did. Bless my family and me. Thank you, Lord.

Unique in the nation, the Florida youth shelter program boasts that 90 percent of youth do not enter the juvenile justice system in the six months after leaving the program, according to DJJ.  The cost savings to the state were calculated in 2001 by Florida Tax Watch, a private research organization, as $15 million or more annually.

LSF Southeast Regional Director Beth Von Werne, who oversees Lippman Youth Shelter in Oakland Park, describes the program as "respite care, generally 21 days, for the ones who have a lot of trouble in the family.  The first step is in-home non-intervention counseling.  If that isn’t working, this is another step.  We make sure that they get to school and get individual and family counseling."

The stays can be as short as eight days or less though, says Leonard.  Or as long as many months.

"We’ve had children there up to 11 months," she stated. "Usually foster kids."

THE PRAYERS, THE NEED

The prayers at some level all ask for the same thing:  love.

"All of these kids are looking for love," says Leonard.  "They get pregnant because they think that their child will always love them.  Poor choices all around.  Many of these children just don’t feel wanted.  Or they can’t be with their parents because of jail or drugs.  But they would rather be with a parent who is abusive than with a stranger."

Dear Lord, I pray that my Dad finds out that I deserve a better life.  I pray that I can go live with my Aunt and start a "new" life.  I need to go and make my life better… straighten up.  I just need to be with family, not locked up or in a program.  I pray I can just live with someone that shows they care for me.  That is all I pray for.

"Some of these kids are in foster care and cant go home," says Von Werne.  "They want to go home, but they can’t go home.  Some couldn’t even stay with their brothers and sisters who were sent elsewhere.  No one asked them what they wanted.  So they think, 'Nobody wants me, and the ones I want, I can’t have.'"

Dear God, I wish that I can have all my kids with me and that I would have the permission to look at Mrs. D. as a mother figure.

Dear God, I pray for my baby to make it by being born normal and healthy.  Also graduate high school.  Find a good job.

"One thing that always catches me is the girls who have babies," says Von Werne.  "Their goal is to get pregnant so that they can be a mom.  They're always saying, 'I think I need tested.  I think I’m pregnant.'  But the babies can’t be here [at the shelter]. They spend an hour or two with the child, and then they have to give them back."

"I cried reading the prayers," said Leonard after she first saw the prayers that the youth at Oasis had written.  "It’s heartbreaking.  But at the same time I know how resilient these children are.  They are incredibly strong.  They can survive with just a little bit of positive attention and love.  That’s what keeps the staff at Oasis going.  Even though they may have these kids short term, that little bit of attention or love for those few days they are with us does help them and gives them hope.  I really see that as our job.  We are a stepping stone to hope."

And hope is surely the need for all the youth in shelters.

Dear God, I would like to pray for my parents because my dad is going through a hard time at work.  And also my Father because he’s been going out of town a lot and just keep him safe while he flies.  Also for Christmas, just because I want it to go well and for all the people that don’t see their family, that they can make it through the holiday.  Also the people that might be starving that they can also have a good Christmas and hopefully get a good meal.

To read all the prayers written by teens at the Oasis Youth Shelter, see http://www.lsfnet.org/1/Prayers/PrayersbyTroubledTeens.htm.

For more information on Lutheran Services Florida's Youth Shelter program, see http://www.lsfnet.org/1/Services/ChildFamily/YouthShelters.htm.

 L  U  T  H  E  R  A  N         S  E  R  V  I  C  E  S         F  L  O  R  I  D  A